@poohtoks

“Get out of the fucking bathroom, you constipated fuck. I've been waiting for an hour. My bladder is about to explode.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I can't believe we fucking did this again.”

“I smell you my little pooping princess, and I just want you to know I believe in you and the unholy union of your ass and the toilet, make your movements be majestic, your wiping be wise, and your flesh be a fucking revelations.”

“Cool, what the f*ck?”

“I don't really know how to do this, but it's a bit hard to get to where I want to go.”

“why are you still watching you sick fuck oh bother get the fuck out of my”

“Get the fuck out of my house, bitch.”

“Pick up the fucking phone, you bitch!”

“Motherfucking piece of shit ass bitch, hmmm I was having a lovely soak, relaxing my big bear booty when suddenly this fucking idiot comes along and interrupts me.”

“Keep yapping and I'll drag you across the floor by your tail.”

“Roses are red. My ass is two. From all the shit I take from you. Happy Valentine's Day, fuckface.”

“If I hear you say 671 more time, I will shove my long hard seven right up your tight six hole.”

“Fuck it. We may have lost Tigger, but I'm about to put the pedal to the fucking metal bitch. Are you with me?”

“Stroking him from behind while being the big spoon is not gonna ruin the friendship.”

“Hey you there, stop being a pissy little bitch, hmm, um, grow a pair and tell that anxiety”

“"Ee your smasher pass, Ariel."”

“TANG TANG TANG TANG TANG TANG TANG!”

“Clean your fucking dish, bitch. You lazy ass. Do you think I'm your fucking maid? No wonder your life is a mess.”

“Dear diary, Jail is no hundred acre wood.”

“Hey, Piglet!”

“I know you just pooped and no matter how many times you wipe, you wipe, and you wipe, and you wipe, still poop, still poop, you're tired, your arm is sore.”

“Bitch, you think I give a single fuck about you?”

“What's wrong piglet ee you're call me fair well, that's because you are fat. He hey”

“Uh... Why are you looking at me? Can't you see poo is taking a poo? What is it? Do you like the smell?”

“You've done it, you let out the silent but deadly fart,”

“Why don't you shut your bitch ass up, before I slap the literal shit out of you.”

“You gassy little shitbag.”

“Roses are red, violets are blue. I just ate Taco Bell. Now I'm fighting for my life on the loo.”

“Surprise bitch, I'm pregnant, and guess who's the papa?”

“Get your fucking arm off my armrest”

“Put down the fucking fork you fat fuck stop shoveling that shit in your mouth and get off you lard ass”

“Oh no, you fucked him. I didn't touch nobody, man. You are your fucking mind, Erpuh.”

“"Ugh, what's going on in here?"”

“Always remember that nobody likes you because you are ugly.”

“Listen up, you silly little goose. If you don't wrap your ding-dong before the ding-dong dance, your crotch is gonna be itching worse than a tick on a cune hound.”

“Haha, fuck off, Winnie. Everyone knows I'm the king around here.”

“Stupid fat fuck.”

“Posh you useless fluffy piece of shit, squeeze it out or I'll burn this whole fucking”

“Hmm, why don't you trot your sorry aspect to the trash where you belong, bitch?”

“I wanted to dress up as your boyfriend for Halloween.”

“What in the sweet honey hell is happening in my butt tunnel? Oh, bother. Hold it in poo.”

“You got to stop being fucking lazy, and sitting on the fucking sofa and jacking off.”

“Can you please for the love of God, leave me alone for five fucking minutes, you bitch.”

“If I say goodnight to you and you see me online like an hour later, it's because I was lying to you.”

“"Can you chew any louder, bitch? You're munching like a damn cow. Shut your trap and swallow already. Oh, bother. Are you trying to suck the joy out of dinner with your disgusting slurping and smacking? Close your fucking mouth, you animal."”

“Hmm. Life is like a wiener, isn't it? Sometimes it's up, sometimes it's down. But it's never hard for ever.”

“As the year comes to a close, I just wanted to say to all of my friends...”

“I ran into my ex the other day, she's like, have you ever thought about getting back together, and I said to her.”

“Shhh, keep that bitch-ass mouth shut before you let loose more mouth diarrhea.”

“You silly ass bitch, you're bumbling around like a drunk heffa lump with no sense of direction.”

“When you are having a bad day, just give up, go home and sleep, fuck it, try again tomorrow, not every bad day can become a good day, some days are fucked, and cannot be unfucked.”

“When I find the German-fested sewer rat that got me sick, I will break into your house in the middle of the night, climb into your bed, and sneeze directly into your open mouth. You filthy, snot-tripping disease, Gremlin.”

“Hush your mouth, you stinky little hamster, before I clap you into oblivion.”

“Listen up you sad sacks of shit. Christopher Robin found a new bestie and we're all getting replaced. She's on her way here right now.”

“Bro, I'm done. Mentally, spiritually, cosmically cooked.”

“"Oh, you think you know better than me? You think you can tell me what not to do? Shut the fuck up. I don't give a shit what you think. I'm the boss of this forest.”

“Will you please just shut your fuck hole and let me sleep bitch”

“Hey, dipshit. Maybe don't shut on me if you're, um, not prepared to get shut on back.”

“Are you bloated or are you pregnant?”

“You're not special, babe. You're just loud, broke and short.”

“oh bother my fucking head is about to explode behind my eyes like a jar of”

“Santa Baby, just slip a sable under the tree.”

“I know you're sitting on that public toilet right now, trying to poop in silence while strangers breathe next to you.”

“I know what you did, Pooh.”

“Always remember, you're not broken, you're just useless.”

“Haha, where's my fucking money, Winnie?”

“Oh fucking bother, why is this bitch still stuck in my head?”

“You're late bitch”

“You got a sharp tongue for a little teddy bear.”

“You've managed to fuck things up quite royally haven't you?”

“Daddy, is it really you?”

“This is me doing an impression of an owl.”

“"Will you do me a small favor? Uh, don't forget to grow up and live happily ever after, and stay as sweet as honey forever.”

“On the fifth day of Pumas, my bitch escaped to me.”

“They tell me to stop gunning, as if the hand were not made to know the body.”

“Mmm. These roses smell almost as sweet as your ass tastes after a long hot day.”

“I see you slut. Mascara smeared, hair matted, wearing last night shirt inside out. You've got a long walk ahead of you.”

“Hmm, oh bother, I'm stuck in this forest with a bad case of the shits.”

“You ever look back at your ex and go, "What the fuck was I thinking?"”

“You're ready to be dominated like a pathetic little submissive bitch, huh?”

“"Oh, bother. You think you can handle this? You think you can handle me? Nobody can handle my sweet ass. Not piglet, not even tigger. You want a taste? You couldn't survive it, babe. My cheeks clap like thunder. My honey drips like lava. And once I sit on you, you're never getting up again. You little rat piggies love to stare. Love to whisper. But you fold the second I press down.”

“Happy Thoughtsgiving! Turkey isn't the only thing getting stuffed.”

“Um, who in the hell are you supposed to be?”

“You smell like shit, you dusty old fuck.”

“Happy Mother's Day to the poor soul who wiped my shitty ass.”

“Do you like Apple's bitch? Well, I got her to suck my willy like a lollipop. Hmm. How do you like them Apple's bitch?”

“Fuck it, let's be real. I've aged the best out of all you bitches. I'm sexy as hell.”

“Oh, hello there little piglet.”

“Hey you're your horse's ass. Stop being a pussy ass bitch and fucking move it.”

“I fucked Tigger's girlfriend in the janitor's closet during the annual Christmas party.”

“Forgive them, for they know not what they poo.”

“(upbeat music)”

“I fucked Ears' girlfriend last night.”

“Shut your fucking mouth holes you goblin motherfuckers”

“Last night was a mistake, Tigger.”

“"Fuck, Mary, kill, Jasmine, Meg, Belle."”

“Where the fuck am I? Oh, bother. This looks like a goddamn nightmare.”

“Look at you. Just sitting there like a fat kid on laundry day.”

“Water is colder than a dead hooker's tit. Did some donkey pee in here?”

“Hey, look, my tooth fell out.”

“Well, my back's killing me today. Must be from lugging this big old dong around.”

“[MUSIC PLAYING]”

“You can stop holding in that fart babe, you are free from him.”

“"Oh, Doc. Uh-huh. There's this swollen area down south I need you to check. Hmm. Kind”

“I banged E.Y.O's cousin last night.”

“Ho ho ho! What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Piglet you're so full of shit”

“You fuck ass anal-seating, gaping butt-muppet.”

“Sh*t piss f*ck cock, ppwina butthole wee wee suck fart fairy Harry poopy scoopy poopy poopy poopy loopy f*ck nut”

“I can smell your cunt.”

“I've been having dark twisted fantasies about about about Christopher Robin's mom. Oh, yes”

“Look a little sweaty boy camping that roof. I'm gonna not show him so hard his mom feels it”

“Do you have any poo in your guts?”

“Roses are red, aww, and thorns hurt too.”

“Oh, bother, get me the fuck outta here!”

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll tongue punch your fartbox and clap your cheeks too.”

“Hello, I'm Winnie, and well, I'm an alcoholic.”

“Repeat after me I am a dumb bitch a fucking idiot piece of shit. I am a disaster a”

“You disgusting little pig person, I've asked you to wipe the fucking toilet seat when you're done pissing a thousand times”

“I really like Paddington because he is very nice and he is a bear and he wears a nice hat.”

“Go ahead, bitch. Tell 'em why I was paying for your fucking rehab while I was getting”

“On the first day of Puma's, my bitchex gave to me hemorrhoids in my stinkhole.”

“My life is like a big empty honey jar.”

“Hey, want to play battleships?”

“My new year's resolution is to fuck more, drink more, and maybe just maybe get tested for STDs because um, I think I've got a few.”

“Hi there. It's your good friend Poole here to deliver a friendly message about competence,”

“Just let it all out, my little pup prodigy.”

“I just want to let everyone know that I'm not actually THAT chopped behind this account.”

“Oh, hmm. Here we go again. Another day. Another dumb fuck asking for positive vibes. Listen here,”

“"This silly old bear fucked up! I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't know who was going to be on the island. I've been constipated with anger, and I took it out on you. I just wanted love, not to be cancelled. Please forgive me."”

“On the sixth day of Pumas, my Bitchx gave to me six flaming bags of dockshit on my porch.”

“Well, Turkey Day's done. Now let's shit all over Thanksgiving's corpse and Jingle Bell rock this Christmas party.”

“Life is like a D. Sometimes it's up. Sometimes it's down. It's never hard for ever, but no matter what, you have to beat it.”

“Hey, you're, tell us about your affair with Tinkerbell.”

“Oh, I forgive you this time Carlos, but if you ever cheat on me again, I'll rip your balls off and feed them to the hefferwumps.”

“Daddy is getting his twerk on in this shitty alley”

“Oh, um, hello there.”

“"Oh, look at this shiny little... prize."”

“What the fuck where am I?”

“*outro music*”

“Oh, bother, you dumbassers think you can arrest me?”

“Listen up, put the donut down, stop ignoring that tummy rumble and schedule that damn colonoscopy.”

“How's your sex life? Still as depressing as your personality?”

“You just are a stinky little pig, right, aren't you?”

“I-I tried to talk to poo, alone, after the last time. I said, "Poo poo, you don't have to”

“Silly old bear. There's no way out, you know.”

“(upbeat music)”

“Shut your fucking mouth.”

“Show me your Winnie, go on, pull it out!”

“Shut your bitch ass up you yammering donkey and go get me another drink.”

“Oh, bother. My asshole is sweatier than a sinner in church.”

“"Sorry, my massive donkey day gets all the attention. But no one cares about my feelings. Like that time I slept with Rapid's sister. He was furious. But honestly, I just wanted someone to talk to."”

“Hi mother fucker, how's that shit coming along?”

“What was the first thing you did after getting replaced? Did you go straight to Coke? Or was it more of a”

“Fuck, they always ask how big is he or they never just ask how is he or can Tina”

“"Ah, fuck me. She doesn't even like me. Bitch only wants my attention. If I ask for anything more, I get nothing."”

“I'm just trying to be myself. I got everybody mad at me for it.”

“Hmm, it was when Christopher turned 13 when things...”

“The ancient prophecy says that to save the world a night of unquestionable honor must get”

“So, I want to talk to you guys about yesterday's news headline when a leader says something,”

“On the third day of Pumas, my bitch X gave to me”

“My bitch X gave to me four shit stained rundies, three restraining orders, two festering”

“All right, fuck it. Let's get into it.”

“"Listen up, there's a fraud-fucking-imposter of me out here hugging your kids, taking selfies”

“As the universe shits out a galaxy of dick-sucking darkness, remember that your reflection is just a poo-stained mirror to the soul, where the only truth is that we're all just pathetic, shitting-crusted bears wandering through a meaningless void, and that's fucking beautiful.”

“Are you still salty that your spin-off show tanked?”

“"I'm not scared of a germ. I used to snort cocaine off of toilet seats."”

“♪ I still feel ♪”

“Oh, bother. Look at this shit. A silly old bear was never built for this 9 to 5 fuckery.”

“Stop being a fucktard and ask me out on a date already.”

“(upbeat music)”

“It isn't what it looks like. Oh, bother.”

“[Growling]”

“Oh, father, I'm stuck in this concrete shit hole”

“Oh, bother. I really need to get the fuck out of here. Team, hatch a plan now!”

“The-people? Is that you?”

“Hmm, you know what, fuck it.”

“Oh, bother. What a godforsaken clusterfuck of a day!”

“Every morning I wake up. To a new headline lying about me. I have comedians dressing up”

“Oh, here we go again.”

“Oh, bother. I have been holding in a fart for three hours and it feels like a balloon animal in my tummy.”

“Where's Deach, bro?”

“You're my one and only, my little honey part of trouble.”

“All rise, the court is now in session.”

“I saw you pooped this morning, my sweet little cub.”

“Wait, so you were like famous in the 90's or something, right?”

“On the second day of Puma's, my bichex gave to me two festering butt warts.”

“- Three, four, three, four!”

“Oh, bother. Look who crawled out of the public domain with a stiff dick and a moldy top hat.”

“Oh, bother.”

“Today on the public domain, we have Dorothy. Welcome to the pod, honey.”

“"Oh, Father, that party was one big hairy ainus of Chaos. Hmm. First thing I see, Sherlock”

“Friends and little fuckers, this silly old bear has a special message for you.”

“Well, my bestie like everything fun”

“Royal flush, fucker.”

“Hello. I'm here to spread awareness about a very serious disease called tiny penis syndrome, or TPS.”

“Sit the fuck down. Both of you. Don't make me ask twice. I'm already in a bad mood in the honey's gone salad”

“Winnie, I deduce that you smell like absolute horse shit.”

“Oh, bother. Life's just a wet fart in the wind. Hmm. Pupu in the sky, and we're all just waiting to flush.”

“Hmm, can you stop slapping your meat and show me your willy?”

“Oh, bother. Empty your pockets, do you red-faced bitch, or I'll smash your skull.”

“Oh, bother.”

“Oh my gosh. I can't believe my eyes. Are you Winnie the Pooh?”

“I sucked face with Mini last night. Sorry, bro. We were drunk.”

“Okay, bachelorette number one. What's the most fucked up thing you've done on a date?”

“I know, you fucked him.”

“Listen up, you crusty little comrades, it is time for your daily reminder.”

“Hey, Pupu. I've missed you.”

“The mists are clearing, but your destiny is shrouded in a terrifying shadow little bear.”

“"If you're happy and you know it, smooch my pooch. Cantina."”

“Oh, father, you really know how to butter up a horny old bear.”

“(upbeat music)”

“Oh, bother. Where the fuck is this donkey?”

“Hello beautiful people. I'm here to announce that I'm appointing one of the poor as Secretary of Defense, Winnie Boobo. What's your first policy, baby?”

“Paddington 2 is the best film ever made. I don't care what anyone else says.”

“*Sigh* Hmm... Hello. You're? I'm gonna hide my silly old bear meat in your sad little shithole for a while. You floppy-eared fuck toy.”

“Say goodbye to period discomfort with seamless confidence.”

“Yeah, bro, I told him. Buy the stock now. No, I don't care.”

“Oh, are you... they... Winnie?”

“Hmm, what is a tasty treat like you doing out here all by your loansome?”

“With that, the 2025 season comes to an end. Good night.”

“♪ Hear my heart burst ♪”

“I'm gonna do it, I swear to God, I'm gonna fucking do it.”

“We are bringing you live, breaking coverage from Chopper 4 over Midtown Manhattan where an unbelievable scene is unfolding.”

“Oh, bother. Where the fuck is my goddamn wallet?”

“Happy Fourth of July, you ugly little toilet goblin.”

“"Oh, Bother, my fluffy ass is fucking paralyzed."”

“Peach might be coupled up with Kukumberino for now, but she won't for long.”

“Look at each person, and figure out which is the one who shit on your floor.”

“Hmm. Oh, bother. Look at this ugly little twat.”

“You should be grateful this silly old bear even graced you with his presence.”

“stalking a silly old bear every single day is a real dick move I just want to”